This 92 year old beautiful pillar of strength and character is Bernice Justine Harden, my Mamaw Bernie. She went home to Jesus early this morning, and while my heart hurts I am so grateful that she passed at home surrounded by loving children; a home she lived in independently until God called her to be with Him. Our family is blessed to have had her with us all these years- healthy and full of life. Outside of giving birth to six amazing children, this past week was her only hospitalization. Her heart was tired and running low. The cardiologist said she was strong enough to survive the surgery for a needed pacemaker…. Of course she was! Mamaw worked hard her entire life. She lived free and full, and she loved fiercely. But she was tired; she has been ready to go Home for a while now, so she politely declined the surgery. She is one of the most honest, open, accepting, smart and wise people I have had the pleasure to know and love. Life was not always easy or happy for Mamaw. She was presented with many struggles, trying times and hardships throughout her life journey that would lead one to have an absence of happiness because happiness is based on our life circumstances. But she always had joy. Joy is different than happiness; joy comes from God, not life circumstances. I always felt a deep sense of joy when I was with her.
This joy comes from childhood memories: memories of rolling down her and Papaw’s backyard hill, picking apples from their trees and her clearly explaining which ones were ready to be picked. I would take a bite of a picked too early apple and make “a face” and she’d just chuckle and say, “Well now, I told you that one wasn’t ready. It’s bitter isn’t it? Good things are worth waiting for.” Memories of Easter egg hunts with all of my cousins at her and Papaw’s house; memories of stopping by to see her and Papaw after visiting Granny and The Gandee family in Ripley and her insisting that we were hungry- the smell and crackle of fried bologna sandwiches or her chicken and noodles etched in my mind; memories of walking into her house excitedly knowing that there would always be 7Up, plain pringles, and sitting on her coffee table a yellow clear glass dish with butterscotch discs spilling over the sides. She never said a word when she saw me, and winked at me, as I took a handful, stuffed and “hid” them in my pockets.
Mamaw taught me that, while life can be really hard, there is never reason to not have hope, faith, love and joy. She showed me that joy is the “good mood of the soul” regardless of circumstances. And, that this joy is found only in God. Mamaw is a true legacy; for she lived intentionally, working hard and aiming to build goodness and betterment into her future generations. For reasons beyond her control, she was faced with raising 6 kids on her own; one of the many adversities in her life. I’ll never forget my Mom’s reply to me when I asked her if she ever “snuck out”, “broke the rules” etc. as a teenager. She very calmly answered, “I could’ve gotten away with anything because Mamaw was busy working so hard to keep us fed and clothed; but I didn’t because I loved and respected her too much.” Those words have always been so powerful to me.
Mamaw used to love to read. That was a passion that was slowly taken from her as she lost her eyesight over the years. But, I will never forget our conversations over books; we had similar tastes and would share good reads with each other. When her eyesight started failing her, I remember being so proud of her for not being full of pride; and instead she accepted her limitations and started ordering large print books from the library. Then when she couldn’t read the large print, she entertained audio books for a while, but she told me it just wasn’t the same. Same here, Mamaw- I want to hold the book, feel the story. So, over the last several years, during our weekly phone conversations she would ask me to tell her all about the book I was reading. Deep down, I think that’s part of why I read incessantly. I wanted to have a story to share with her. Our favorite characters being Scout and Atticus Finch and Tom Robinson. Mamaw and I loved them deeply. And, we equally turned our nose up to Go Set a Watchman the first draft of Lee’s best-selling novel. So, I don’t think it’s coincidence that Mamaw passed in the midst of extreme political division and racial injustice in our country and me sharing famous To Kill a Mockingbird quotes for others to think about, and maybe gain some wisdom. The lessons taught in To Kill a Mockingbird, mirror the legacy left by Mamaw: kindness, sincere humility, and wisdom. Her kindness, her sincere humility and her wisdom will continue to have a lasting effect on our family and, in turn, on this world.
I am grateful for all the visits Matt, our kids, and I had with Mamaw over the years. Matt instantly fell for her for two reasons: she loved talking about her and Papaw’s many travel excursions and showing him all of the pictures. For those of you that know Matt well, you know he lives for travel and adventure. He is heartbroken that he is not here to share in her memorial, but I assured him that he is honoring her well; he is out exploring God’s gift to us, this beautiful country, and there is nowhere else she would want him to be. The second reason that Matt was smitten with Mamaw was her money “smarts”. He loved that she felt the need to explain to us why she gifted me more money for my college graduation than she did for our wedding. She said, “Now, Matt I think you’re a fine young man, but anybody can get married; not everyone gets a college degree, and I admire Jodi for working hard for an education.” There are very few kids fortunate enough to have really known and loved a great- grandparent, and I am thankful that Anna, Jack, Abby and Maggie Justine are part of those fortunate few.
Some recent Mamaw memories that sum up exactly who she is and how I will always remember her:
When we visited her this past winter, I commented how wonderful she looked. The woman walked more steps in one day than most of us do in a week. She chuckled and bluntly replied, “I know, Jodi, I gotta knock this off, or I’m never gonna get out of here.”
I visited her again in early spring and we were discussing the ramifications of the Coronavirus. She said “God’s talking and people better start listening.”
Then, just this past Friday, I was able to speak with her on the phone. She was alert, she was chipper, she was engaged in our conversation, asking many questions as she always has. I shared with her that our local ice cream hot spot had finally opened and we got our first summer ice cream via the drive thru due to social distancing. I went on to share that just as things were starting to get back to “normal”, we were being faced with protests and mandated curfews. She remarked, “It’s an upside down world. I don’t know why people can’t just love and respect each other.”
So while our hearts are broken and we will all miss her dearly, my heart is full of that joy that only God can bring because I know she’s Home. She finally got outta here, and her world is no longer upside down.