“Family...the people in your life who are close to your heart. Who bring out the best in you. Who laugh, celebrate, and dream with you. Who love you infinitely.”
For me, family is the greatest blessing God can give. It is one of his most beautiful masterpieces; the love that sprouts, grows and blooms in a family is a true gift. And, the most beautiful part of it all is that one’s family grows and flourishes in the most organic ways. Yes, we are all born into a biological family, but by no means and in no terms did God intend for us to keep our boundaries of family within the borders of that biological garden. It is said that family is where life begins and love never ends (unknown). I agree; our life on Earth does begin with our God given biological family. And thankfully, for me, that statement is profoundly true. My family, the family I was born into, and the family I married into, is and has always been an everlasting well of love. However, I fully recognize that my fortune is not the story of all. We can choose our friends, but we can’t choose our family. And for many, for whatever reason, God planted them in a family that is anything but love. This, dear reader, no matter what your status is with your biological family, is where I urge you to begin to think beyond the traditional definition of family and begin to realize that your life began with God long before He gifted this world with you. And while we all hope for, dream for, pray for a loving, giving, supporting, accepting family, we must also remember that, if we so choose, we have an eternal life with our Heavenly family. And…. we CAN choose people filled with love, acceptance and overflowing all around awesomeness to be our family. We just have to be brave and love ourselves enough to let others in, to let others be our adopted family. Yes, we can adopt our family(ies). God did.
Our life and the circumstances in them, whether good or bad, have always been a part of His plan for us...“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations” (Jeremiah 1:5). God has promised to hold us carefully and lovingly in the palm of His hand; and from the very beginning He has had nothing but an amazing love filled ending in store for each and everyone of us. All we have to do is hold on tight and trust. We must draw close to His word and meditate on the fact that “He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world to be holy and blameless in His presence. In love He predestinedusforadoption as His sons and daughters throughJesusChrist” (Ephesians 1:5-6). Just as God chose us for his Heavenly family, we can choose our earthly families. It takes guts; it takes courage; it takes patience. But, people need people. That’s exactly why God has planted eight billion people in the world. It’s great to have your “person” but God intended us to build families, to nourish them, water them, tend to them as a gardener tends to tender plants, tend to them until they flourish and you can reap a great harvest. How does one go about finding these people to grow this “family” you ask? Well, if you're fortunate as I am, it may be as simple as the family you were born into, your biological family. Or, as is often the case, you can find these amazing humans in friendships that are found in college or even all the way back to elementary school, at your workplace, at church, in your neighborhood. And,as these friendships deepen and the connections become less superficial and take deeper roots- as you share your truest, deepest self, all of your struggles, all of your fears and you reveal your most vulnerable self, these friendships often become what some like to refer to as “framily”- good friends are the family that we choose for ourselves. But again this takes work, hard work.
The fine, unforgettable heroine Maya Angelou once said, “Family isn’t always blood. It’s the people in your life who want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what.” Despite a horrible childhood, product of her biological family, Maya Angelou persevered and turned her life around. She displayed and modeled courage, stubbornness and unwavering spirituality for decades. She made it clear to her readers and audiences that family, while not always a birthright, can be manifested, planted, sowed, and harvested. In the book of Galatians we are reminded, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9). If one looks deeply, looks closely, puts in the effort, puts down the barriers, if one is vulnerable enough to put themselves out there and let others in…. well, then one can plant seeds that will become a family that will grow and flourish in any way with anyone.
As, I’ve already mentioned, I am one of the blessed. God planted me in a family that has always been about faith, family, integrity and love. And, by the grace of God, I was just as fortunate to meet, date, fall in love with, and marry a faith-filled, family first kind of guy, my Matt. And if that’s not “gag me with a spoon” enough already, I have to say it, his family, my mother- in-law, my father-in-law, my sister and brother-in-law have all always treated me like one of their own and have loved me with arms wide open. But beyond my biological family and my family by marriage, God has also blessed me with the most amazing friends (more about them later), and the most fulfilling teaching placements. Sometimes, if you're lucky, and you put in the effort, the work, and you’re your most vulnerable self your workplace may just be where He leads you to your nearest and dearest friends.
God sure knew what He was doing when He landed me at Sycamore Schools. I taught at Sycamore Junior High for twenty-one years. I was twenty-two years old, a mere baby, when I walked into that amazing school and started my teaching journey. I literally grew up in this place. In my first few years there, I was immediately taken under the wing of some amazing mentors- not just teaching mentors,but God filled, spiritual mentors. We had a weekly Bible study group and I felt safe in my new home away from home (after graduating from Miami University, I decided to settle in Cincinnati instead of moving back home)During my first year of teaching, I met Matt, you remember him my amazing husband, he’s a teacher too. We got married and several of my teaching friends were guests at our wedding. I had all four of our babies while at the junior high; and yes, the amazing friends there had baby showers for us, visited the hospital, brought us food when we were bleary eyed and had not a clue what day was what or which end was up because we decided it would be a great idea to have four kids in less than 6 years…. Choices… Fast forward twenty-ish years, some of my dear teaching friends had moved on to other careers or even moved across the country or another country. But, two of my first very best friends, Dana and Melissa, were still at the junior high. We were all still teaching together, having babies together, raising kids together- literally our kids all went to the same babysitter and preschool together; we were doing and loving life together. And then, a new chick moved onto the block. We kept our polite distance; we wanted to get a feel for her jam. You know, make sure she rolled like we rolled. (Kidding)….we fell in love with her instantly. The minute she got up in front of the entire staff to introduce herself and said, “Hi, I’m Anne and my boyfriend brought me to this God forsaken place where the river looks like chocolate milk. I’m used to the beautiful blue lakes of Minnesota. And if he doesn’t marry me, I’m pretty sure my dad is going to kick his ass.” I mean… She is smart, she is classy (we like to call her Jackie O), she is a riot, and she is a real wise ass. She immediately fit right in.
I’m just gonna cut to the chase here; these girls are one of my greatest sources of joy. They bring all the love, all the laughs, all the advice, all the “I told you so”s, all the “if I were you I’d”, all the “did you hear”s ...BUT they also bring all the no judgement here (for each other anyway), all the “we’ve got you”s, all the “it’s going to be ok”s, all the “I’m so sorry”s, all the “what can we do”s. I actually just stopped writing to respond to a group text with them because...duh! That is exactly what we do, all day, every day. When we aren’t together, we send messages about big stuff, little stuff, about everything, about nothing. I mean we literally sent duck face kiss pictures to each other. A really cool fact about our friendship is it has been in session for 20 years and there is a decade between us age wise. One of us turns 50 this year and one of us turned 40. This little thing, this Worldwide Pandemic, is really hindering our abilities to roll “bitches” style. Yes, we refer to each other as “bithces”- c’mon lighten up, it’s all in good fun, no harm, no foul. Anne, the “classy” one, even had Morse Code necklaces made for each of us. Yep, you guessed it...they spelled out this loving reference we have for each other. If you think that’s bad, I won’t go into too many more details about the gifts we give each other; but, Ha! The paraphernalia we give each other for our girls’ trips is out of this world! Here’s the skinny:
Florida bound for Mother’s Day weekend (don’t judge, we felt it easier on our husbands if we set pool and oceanside for this weekend rather than them having to wrangle kids into some elaborate day just for us- better they just be left at home all alone with the kids)- Anne (again- anyone noticing a pattern here? Ehem…wise ass ) ordered tank tops that read “No Child Left Behind- Except our 15 in Ohio”
Same trip- Melissa had these prettly, floral, beer koozies monogrammed for each of us- she is the brilliant, artistically talented one of the group- thank God she does wonders for us when she photoshops our pictures- yikes!
Dana- the hostess with the mostess- literally- she has the best celebrations and takes us along with her. She has shown us beautiful beaches in Florida and majestic mountains in Colorado- she gave each of us the cutest beach towels with our names monogrammed on them
Me- kind of the neat freak of the group wanted to be sure our drinks didn’t get sandy at the beach, so I smartly gifted us with beach sand spikers- you know the drink holders that spike down in the sand right at arm’s reach when needed.
We’ve done Florida countless times- I can’t even keep track, but I do remember being so giddy over chilled red wine at Skinny’s for Anne- again with her… who in the actual hell drinks wine at a walk up burger shack on the beach… all class, that one! Anywho… she said she was taking a drinking break, but when I danced back to the table with a huge smile planted on my face and a big, fat pour of Pinot, she about peed her pants. And I remember telling the Uber driver “no we don’t know how to get home, that’s why we called you!”
Colorado- no Anne- she was being all classy AGAIN and was in Europe with her mom, whatever! I got us matching “The Mountains are Calling and I Must Go” t-shirts- yes, we wore them on the flight out there, we were them again a time or two and posed prettily atop Mt. Royal. (after Melissa and I stopped sucking wind- Dana turns into a beast when she is in the mountains. If you think you’re going to rest up when you are there, you’ve got another think coming. That bitch wakes us up for 7 AM mountain hikes, then takes us on “short” bike rides, we walk everywhere, literally. And I absolutely love every minute of it, except when… I have to pee because we’re in our forties (yes, you too, Miss Classy, Anne! Oh, sorry! Not you Melissa, it’s okay, really we still love you) and our leisurely stroll turns into a neck breaking sprint to make it back to the house before peeing our pants- next time we head West, I’m packing Depends.
Dana, while in Colorado one summer without us (whatever!) bought us all shirts that said something like ….”When you call us bitches, we just look at each other and craaaaack up because we knew that WAAAAAY before you did!”
And most recently, I had my girls over for a social distancing fire pit and drinks, because……. Just because…. in anticipation for our trip, that was supposed to be this summer, back out West, I got Anne a “Mountains are Calling” shirt- I mean she has GOT to match the rest of us. I also topped each of us off with a trucker hat. These hats had logos that describe our shenanigans to a T- mostly..
Anne’s hat- I’ll bring the alcohol- I mean remember the wine at Skinny’s
My hat- I’ll bring the dance moves- me dancing back to picnic table at Skinny’s with wine for Anne
Dana’s hat- I’ll bring the bad influence- I know let’s climb a mountain, then bike for 10 miles, then walk our asses all over town-- Dana, you know I love every minute of it and I love you
Melissa’s hat- I’ll bring the alibi- ummmmm…. still thinking this one through, but she is FOR SURE the most creative mind in the bunch, so I have complete faith!
While my girls and I have had some extremely great highs together, we have also loved, cried, and supported each other through some of life’s toughest battles… marriage frustrations, kid worries, mom stress, wife stress, illnesses (physical and mental), job changes, unexpected babies, and loss of parents. I no longer teach at the junior high, nor does Anne. But our friendship, THE friendship of a lifetime, has not stumbled, has not faltered, it has not missed a beat. There were a few times, when I thought of, or even tried to, leave the junior high- home to me and the place where these beautiful souls came into my life, but I changed my mind or, in some cases, I didn’t get the other job. Looking back, it is crystal clear to me why God left me where I was. Life was about to hand me some really unforeseen, dark, scary waters. I suffered, and with their love and support, battled back from severe anxiety and depression; and I lost my dad. While I had my immediate family, the spiritual mentorship of another teacher, and the caring support of the principal in my building to help me navigate these tumultuous years, nothing can replace the love, the grit and grace these girls poured into me. They saved me. They helped me find myself again. They embody many of the parts of my life that I fought and battled to get back. They are the keepers of so many laughs, so many stories, so many memories, so much joy, so much love. They are my FRAMILY! And, in all honesty, we are a far cry from “bitchy”; we are arms wide open, all are welcome, come sit with us kind of gals- truly, we are! But, if you mess with them, you mess with me! Trust me, you don’t want to do that. Actually, you don’t want to mess with Dana; she, for real, beat someone up in high school! Don’t ask.
What greater gift can we have than to live life following this commandment, “...that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:12-13). I don’t know about you, dear reader, but I find great comfort in having friends that I know, without a doubt, would lay down their lives for mine. I vividly remember my mom telling me that some of her friends were asking about me and how Matt and I manage without any family in town to help shuffle kids to and from endless activities, or stay with a sick kid so we can go to work, or help out when Matt or I are sick. My mom said, “I told them, ‘I don’t worry as much because Jodi has such wonderful, amazing, loving friends.’” This says A LOT because my mom is a worrier. It is so true. She doesn’t need to worry as much about me because what Matt and I can’t handle, my Bitches can.
Scripture says, “You are better off to have a friend (Jodi inserts Framily here) than to be all alone, because then you will get more enjoyment out of what you earn. If you fall, your friend (framily) can help you up. But if you fall without having a friend (framily) nearby, you are really in trouble.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). If I were to ever lose these women, God help me. They are a gift. They are God’s, but I am so grateful He is sharing them with me. How blessed am I? My Family and Framily are vital. I want them.I need them. I try really hard every day to let them know they mean the world to me. I am sure I have fallen short, many times. Huh, I know I have. I am human. We are all human. We are not broken, but we live in a broken world. So we must remember that in order to plant seeds of love and real relationship, in order to reap a harvest from our gardens of f(r)amilies we must have courage; we must be vulnerable; we must let others in; we must forgive. We are the inhabitants of Earthly f(r)amilies- to love means to risk getting hurt; to give means to risk being taken advantage of. But this is where we keep our eyes on our Heavenly Family; to honor, accept, and respect others is to show and to be God’s love. When my F(r)amily looks at me, I want them to see God. I want them to see love, light, joy and peace. But I also want to be true, I want to be honest and I want them to see my struggles and see how God works in me and through me.
Michael J. Fox said, “Family isn’t an important thing. It is everything.” Gush! Of course Alex P. Keaton would utter such words! God, I love him! But it is so true. It is so real. The people in my life are God’s gifts to me. Just as I anxiously and excitedly open my hands and accept these gifts, I must remember that they, each and every one of them, are His. He has loaned them to me for a short time. He has gifted me with them, so that they can teach me, love me, accept me, laugh and cry with me, and journey through this whisper of a life with me. But I must never forget that they are His, and one day He will need them back. Just as He willingly gave them to me, I need to willingly give them back to Him. I need to love them hard while we are together. I need to say all the things, feel all the feels, and make sure they know I am thankful for the gift of them. I look forward to the rest of our earthly lives together, but better yet is the excitement that overwhelms me when I think of the eternity we will spend together. Because remember, dear one, long, long ago before we were even born into this world, He knew these people would be our people and our greatest gifts and He has promised that “Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son.” (Ephesisans 1:5-6). He gifted us each other on this earth because He never intended for us to do life alone. We need to feel connected; we need to belong. So put in the hard work; dig deep to find your courage, put yourself out there, be open, be honest, be vulnerable, be you. Your people, your F(r)amily, they will come.
“Happiness keeps you sweet. Trials keep you strong. Sorrows keep you human. Failure keeps you humble. Success keeps you glowing. Friends and family keep you going.”
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